Slim Pickens vs Derick Moris

[Slim Pickens (H)]

It’s a beautiful day in sunny Independence and our main man is out by the patio bar where he’s holding his crystal glass filled with two fingers of his favorite drink. He’s wearing a pair of blue jeans and some Nike tennis shoes and he’s got on an older blue t-shirt with white letters that says,” THE BEST THERE IS.” Kelli walks out through the kitchen door and goes right up to Slim.

Kelli: Now remember Slim, these have to be the freshest eggs you can find or my cake won’t turn out right.

Slim smiles.

Slim:“I understand Kelli. You’ve only told me that about twenty times and I won’t come back until I have the freshest eggs in the state of Missouri."

He leans over and gives Kelli a little peck on the cheek before walking out through the wooden security gate and climbing into his black on black Lincoln Navigator. He carefully backs out of the drive and heads down the street leading out of the sub-division.

Slim:“Can you believe that darn woman? I’ve got to take time out of my busy schedule and go traipsing all over the country in search of the freshest eggs that ever fell out of a chickens butt as if I had nothing more important to do! Now you tell me, how in the devil is she going know if the eggs are fresh or if they were shipped in from China like everything else we buy?”

He drives out of town and goes about five miles before he turns left on a gravel road. He slows down as he passes a farm to see if they have anything that looks like chickens and seeing nothing he keeps on driving. He checks the second farm and again nothing but as luck would have it he spots a sign in the front yard of the third farm that reads, “Fresh Eggs.” He slows down and pulls into the drive and parks his Navigator close by what looks like to be the back door of the house. He walks through the gate of the chain link fence and just as he is about to knock on the back door he is greeted by the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen. Not knowing if the dog bites or not Slim takes off for the gate. Just as he is about to open the gate and escape to safety the dog lunges and sinks his teeth into the seat of his pants. Slim swings the gate shut hitting the dog in the head and making him release his hold on Slims pants, but not before the dog has torn a big hole right where Slims butt would be. The farmer hears all the co-motion and comes out the door and calls off the dog.

Slim:“That’s got to be the meanest dog in the state of Missouri.”

Farmer:“Might be young man, I found him in the road ditch almost dead after being hit by a car and after I nursed him back to health he’s just had a bad attitude. He lays out by the road most of the day like he’s waiting for that car that hit him to come back by so he can bite the shit out of some one.”

The old man wearing a pair of bib over-alls reaches around inside and scratches the crack of his ass as if some kind of weird bug just took a bite out him.

Farmer:“What brings you to stopping here anyway?”

Slim:“I’m looking to buy a couple of dozen of the freshest eggs that you have.”

Farmer:“I’ll just be darn young man, I just gathered eggs a few minutes ago and they’re so fresh that they still have the skid marks on them where they came out of the ole hens butt! If you want fresher than that you’ll have to go out to the chicken house and see for yourself if she’s laid any since I was just out there.”

Slim:“Well sir, if you done mind my wife said two dozen of the freshest eggs I could find so I’ll just walk out there and if there are any new ones.”

The farmer walks in the back door and comes out with a wire basket and tells Slim he can put the eggs in there. Slim takes the basket and heads for the chicken house while the old man sits down in a metal lawn chair under a shade tree to wait for him. Slim being a city boy didn’t have a clue what the basket was for so when he walked through the door of the chicken house he sit the basket down. Looking around he saw two rows of wooden boxes going all the way around the inside with hay in each box and a chicken sitting in the hay, without taking an actual count it looked to be about one hundred and fifty chickens. Taking his time so he doesn’t miss anything he walks all around the chicken house looking under each wooden box but after careful inspection he didn’t find one darn egg or an egg Carton for the eggs to go in.

Slim:“I’ll just be darn if these chickens aren’t on strike! I’ve looked below every box and the darn cupboard is bare.”

Slim leaves the chicken house and walks back up to where the farmer is sitting and proceeds to tell the farmer what he had done but that he couldn’t find any eggs.

Farmer:“Well city boy, go back down there and look UNDER the hens.”

Just a little up-set with the way the farmer spoke to him he walks clear back down to the chicken house and starts looking around the chickens trying to find out where they put their darn eggs. He looks in the boxes next to the chickens and after looking in a few boxes he finally sees an egg sticking out from under the chicken. He starts to reach in to get the egg but the chicken doesn’t want to give it up so easily and pecks him on the arm.

Slim:“Hey! What was that for?

He gives the chicken a dirty look and reaches again for the egg only to have the chicken peck him on the arm, again. This time he grabs the chicken by the neck and raises it up before reaching for the egg and now he’s thinking that this must be what he has to do because under the chicken was five nice large brown eggs. He looks under a few more chickens and finds yet more eggs until he gets to a chicken that looks different from the rest. This chicken is bigger in size and has a lot more color than the others but he wonders if this chicken is sick because it seems to have a floppy piece of red skin hanging down under its beak. Not knowing what was wrong with this chicken but still needing more eggs he reaches over and grabs the chicken by the neck only to have this feisty bird start clawing him all up and down his arm. He fights off the pain and looks under where the chicken was sitting only to find no eggs. Desperate to fill the order of two dozen eggs he grabs the chicken by the legs and turns it over and starts looking in the area that the egg would come out. Nothing, not one darn sign of an egg so he reaches over with his hand and pushes his finger into the only opening he could find and the chicken went crazy. It started fighting trying to get away and about this time the farmer came in through the door to find Slim standing there with blood all over his arms and his finger up this chickens butt.

Farmer:“What the hell are you doing with your finger up my chickens butt? Don’t you know that the chicken you are molesting is a rooster, a male, and they don’t lay eggs?”

Slim pulls his finger out of the roosters butt and lets it go.

Slim:“I just needed a few more eggs and I saw that one sitting there and one thing leads to another but the fact still remains, I need three more eggs to make two dozen.”

The farmer reaches under a hen and comes out with three eggs and hands them to Slim and they both leave the chicken house headed for Slims Navigator. Pulling out a wad of money from his pocket he pays the farmer for the eggs. He climbs in and backs out of the farmer’s driveway before driving down the dusty gravel road back towards town. Arriving at home he carefully carries the eggs into the kitchen and sets them on the counter. Kelli gives him a look of amazement but starts in and cleans up all the scratches on his arms as he explains to her what the hell had just happened to him. With a sheepish grin on her face she tells him she has changed her mind about desert and won’t be needing the fresh eggs after all. He just shakes his head in disbelief and walks out of the kitchen heading for his den and a much needed shot of Jack.

A couple of hours pass by before he comes out of his den to find that it’s a beautiful evening in beautiful Independence, Missouri and it’s even prettier out by the pool at the home of Slim Pickens, where you can hear the sound of water flowing over the many waterfalls that have just been added, and the sound of the many girls swimming in the pool, many beautiful girls swimming in the pool, many beautiful girls swimming in the pool wearing all different sizes and shaped bikini’s. Let it not be said that you could not find a beautiful woman at the home of the masterful Slim Pickens but these women just happen to be friends of Kelli’s. Now also sitting out by the pool, watching the beautiful girls swim, is our hero, your friend and mine, and the soon to be recognized as the true champion among champions. Yes, you know who I’m talking about so without any further ado, let me turn it over to MR SLIM PICKENS!!!!!!!

Slim:“ Kelli! Kelli! Could you get out of the pool for a moment and come over here? ”

Over at the pool we notice a young woman with a body that some would say just won’t quite, swimming towards the ladder. We watch as this young woman climbs up the ladder and stands at the side of the pool drying herself off with an over sized beach towel. When she has finished she slowly walks over and takes her place beside Slim.


Slim:“Last week my darling, I had a match, and in all of the turmoil I failed to introduce you to our many loyal fans!”


Slim:“ I would like to take this opportunity to introduce you to the woman that has fulfilled all of my dreams and then some! The woman who will always be by my side each and every time I enter the ring! It gives me great pleasure to introduce you to, KELLI!”

Slim moves his hand as to motion towards Kelli, as she stands there with a sheepish grin on her face.

Slim:“Now young lady, I want to thank you for taking the time to allow me to introduce you to our many fans, and you may return to the pool and whatever you were doing.”

Kelli turns and walks over to the side of the pool. She looks over her shoulder and notices that Slim is not watching her, so to get his attention; she takes off her bikini top and throws it at him so that it opens up in flight and when it lands it covers his face. He pulls the top from his face and realizes what it is and turns his head so fast to see where she’s at, that he almost gives himself whip lash. But as fast as he turned his head, he was still too slow for she had already dove into the pool.

Slim:“That woman! She never ceases to amaze me with some of the school girl things she does, but then maybe that is part of the reason why I keep her around.”

Slim stands up from his lounge chair where he had been watching the girls and walks over to the bar. He selects a crystal glass with the initials SP on it and pours two fingers of Jack Daniels into the glass.

Slim:“I have been dazed and amazed a few times in my life but it usually happens when I look in the mirror and see just how handsome I really am, but I must say, Mr. Moris has amazed me with his comments and I’ll be very interested to see what he comes up with this time. They say that light travels faster than sound and it must be true because Moris looked like he may be intelligent but then he spoke. Why would anyone be happy to settle for second place when it takes just a little more effort to be first! I will be first and wear that championship belt around my waist, but then again I have been first for most of my life. I married a great woman who made me first, I own a very nice brick home that made me first, I have a perfect body that all the women love so that makes me first and I’m smarter than everyone so that makes me first again. Yes Derick, I’m first in everything I do so I really don’t know how you second rate people live or what you do in life and what is more important, I really don’t care.
You Mr. Moris, you are a peckerwood and a second rate wrestler and I will beat you every time you get in my way simply because I can and simply because there is nothing you can do to stop me. I’m the BEST THERE IS and the sooner that you and the rest of the DHWA learns that, the sooner that survival will become easier for all of you.”

Your soon to be champ reaches over and picks up the bottle of Jack and re-fills his crystal glass with two fingers and turns and leans up against the bar and watches all the beautiful women that have graced his pool.


The champ re-fills his crystal glass and walks across the patio and enters his den. He sets his glass down on his desk and reaches over and turns on his computer. He sits down in his black leather office chair and looks at the DHWA web site.
“Life is full of disappointments and one of the measures of a good man or woman is how you learn to deal with these disappointments. You probably know this better than anyone else Moris since you are the one who finishes in second place most of the time and I will be the one to force you into taking second place once again. I am Slim Pickens, the man and the wrestler that the whole world looks up to and I will leave you Derick Moris with this one thought.”

The champ stands up behind his desk and drinks down his two fingers of Jack and walks over and sets the empty glass on the bar for the cleaning lady to wash and put away.

“DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER AND SO IS SLIM PICKENS”

[Derick Moris (H)]

The camera fades in and it shows a view of the locker room. It is a bland white wash with make shift lockers thrown around the room with folding metal chairs in front of them. Derick Moris is seen pacing back and forth with his hand brushing at his forehead every so often. He is wearing his usual purple trench coat but this week he has less make-up on, no doubt having something to do with the injuries that resulted in his steel cage match last week against The Great Muta.

A man comes sprinting into the locker room. He is completely duded up with DHWA gear with an official’s logo on his left shoulder. He holds an envelope up to Moris, his arm shaking with fear after watching him attack two innocent employees last week.

Moris yanks the letter from his hand and the camera goes behind Moris’s back as he opens the letter with a blank envelope. He pulls a paper out that is folded perfectly and unfolds the paper.

On the top of the paper is the DHWA logo along with the company’s letter head and it reads

Dear Mr. Moris,

Though you lost your match last week we were thoroughly impressed in the manor you held yourself up against one of our stars, The Great Muta.

As unfortunate as it is you were not victorious there for dropping you out of the running for the Smoking Skull Championship. But as stated earlier we were impressed so we would like to extend to you the opportunity at the Intercontinental Championship. The stipulations are as follows:

The contestants- Slim Pickens VS Derick Moris
The Stipulations- Ladder Match
On the Line- The Intercontinental Championship

Hopefully this comes as a little consolation after your tough loss last week
Signed,
DHWA Management

Derick Moris looks down and pinches the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes and takes a deep breath in then crumbles the paper up and chucks it across the locker room hating to get second best. And goes back to his head in his hands and as his head is down he comes to a realization. Though he is not going to be the highest champion he is going to be the first champion crowned in DHWA history. He stands up a little less defeated. The interviewer walks in slowly and cautiously with a microphone slightly outstretched.

<[Derick Moris]>

Let me guess you want to get my reaction to this match tonight?

The interviewer nods softly and cautiously asks:

<[Interviewer]>

Have you s-seen the new promo put up by your opponent?

<[Derick Moris]>

Damn I will give him the fact that he works fast, no I have not seen it.

The interviewer pulls an I Pad and flicks through a few buttons and pulls up the video of the man standing in his blue jeans and blue shirt and he watches making a series faces mostly lightly chuckling and once he reaches the end he hands it back to the interviewer trying to hold back laughing, but he eventually losses the internal battle and bust out laughing.

<[Derick Moris]>

No shit? He actually put this video out for the world to see? Please oh please say that this is not serious. I don’t know what irks me more, the fact that I now have to kick this sorry excuse of a man’s ass tonight or the fact that management thinks he is on the same level on me.

He pauses and collects himself to continue on with his speech

<[Derick Moris]>

Well ladies and gentlemen tonight I am facing Mr. Peckerwood the roster molester for the Intercontinental Championship. And for the second time I am in the main event in a no disqualification match but tonight I get to use ladders and that allows me to fly even higher.

A wicked smile crosses his face and begins to roll his fist in his opposite hand

<[Derick Moris]>

Also, ladders make great weapons to reopen those wounds Mr. Peckerwood suffered last week. Now back to that little piece of comedy that he calls a promo.

Moris uncurls his fist and puts it onto his forehead.

<[Derick Moris]>

I mean for half of the damn thing he was being his wife’s errand bitch. Somebody please tell me what that has to do with me kicking his ass tonight? Next he shoves his finger up a rosters ass, don’t get me wrong I am no country boy, far from it thankfully but I know the difference between a female chicken and a god damned rooster I mean has this boy had no schooling then he has the audacity to call me the dumb one. I would love to know where in that twisted mind came this illogical fallacy. If in some way his head injuries caused this than after this match tonight he will be a babbling idiot.

Moris bends over and picks up a black velvet sack then continues talking

<[Derick Moris]>

He then goes on to call me a second rate wrestler and saying I seem to be one to “settle for second place” which is yet again an extreme fallacy. Because as far as I could tell we both lost last week and in my honest opinion I faced one of the best in the company and I held my ground while Mr. Peckerwood faced some mediocre half rate wrestler and got his ass handed to him on a silver platter. So when he says that I am second rate and I settle for second best couldn’t be farther from the truth. And tonight I will prove it when I climb to the top of the ladder, unhook that belt, and be crowned DHWA FIRST INTERCONTINENTEL CHAMPION.

Derick grins evilly as he opens the bag and begins to pull out a chain that is at least 15 feet long and he wraps it around his hand as he pulls it out then the last four feet split into 3 chains and at the end of the chains there are metal claws that are razor sharp. A huge evil grin takes up most of his face and he begins to cackle wildly as the screen fades to black and goes to commercial

[Slim Pickens (H)]

It’s a beautiful and vibrant day in Independence, Missouri and I want to thank all of you for joining me on this special occasion for once again we find ourselves outside of the home of Slim Pickens. The location for this marvelous home is on the out skirts of Independence in one of the more upscale areas of the town, and the occasion, well, its Slim Pickens home!

So, you’re able to see it’s a lavish four bedroom brick home that has been beautifully land scraped and Slim makes sure that it stays that way as it has become one of the community’s primer show places. Mr. Pickens has made a number of extensive improvements to his home both inside and out.

In the back patio area of the home surrounded by an eight foot high wooden security fence we can see a beautiful in-ground pool with crystal clear water flowing through the filter system twenty-four hours a day. All of the tiles for this pool both inside and on the deck surrounding the pool have been hand laid.

The hand crafted bar which is one of a kind is one of Slims pride and joys and many hours of enjoyment are logged in at the bar every day. Jack Daniels is the drink of choice for Mr. Pickens but I’m sure the bar is fully stocked and you can get whatever you order.

“WOOO! It’s not hard to see why I’m THE BEST THERE IS, I have a beautiful, lavish home, I wear nothing but designer clothes, I drive nothing but the top of the line vehicles, and I beat everyone that ever has a match with me. I’m so dam good that sometimes I amaze myself.”

Slim strolls over to his bar, selects a crystal glass, and proceeds to pour two fingers of the Tennessee liquor known as Jack Daniels. As the brown liquor fills the glass he tries to thinks back as to how many times he has done this for our soon to be champ has been drinking Jack Daniels for many years now. As you may already know, there is a proper way to hold your glass when drinking fine liquor like Jack. You place three fingers on one side of the glass and on the other side you put your thumb. As you rise the glass to take a drink you must make double sure that your pinky finger is raise and never touches the glass. Yes, this is the proper way to hold your glass but after you have had a number of drinks and the bottle starts to get less than halve full you are allowed to drink straight from the bottle but again, you are not allowed to let your pinky finger touch the bottle.

“Has this, let me phrase this a little crude, has this dumb ass Derick Moris not realized that he is not very good competition for me. I have listened to Moris babble about how good he thinks he is but at this up-coming ladder match I’m going to make him eat every dam one of those words. I’m tired of the DHWA not having a worthy Champion, someone that will defend the title to any and all comers and as soon as that title belt is around my waist I will issue an open challenge to anyone who thinks they are good enough to sign the paper work and come and give it your best shot. Now just to make sure that Moris understands what kind of match he has gotten himself into I have taken the liberty of write down the rules. A ladder match is a type of match in professional wrestling that is most commonly used to describe a match where an item (usually a title belt) is hung above the ring, and the winner is the contestant who climbs a ladder and retrieves the item.[1] The ladder itself becomes a key feature of the match, as wrestlers will use the ladder as a weapon to strike the opponent(s), as a launching pad for acrobatic attacks, and frequently these matches include impressive falls from the top of the ladder. If you have any kind of difficulty understanding theses rules Moris then maybe you can ask for help from Mutta because he’s kind of slow in the mind just like you.”


”You speak to me Derick Moris like you think you’re the keeper of the flock, like to think you’re the sheep herder standing guard and ready to protect his sheep from the big, bad wolf. Well think again peckerwood! You’re nothing! I’m the DHWA soon to be first Intercontinal Champion and you’re nothing but the little boy who runs around with his pooper scooper cleaning up the messes that the DHWA wrestlers makes.

”You need to learn that I’m the one standing on top of the mountain in this fed and there is not one dam thing you BOYS can do to change that. All of you peckerwoods need to stand back and watch and learn from the greatest wrestler that ever graced the squared circle and maybe someday you’ll grow up to be men. You can hang pictures of yours truly next to your beds so that I’m the last person you see before you go to sleep and I’m the first person you see when you wake up. I’m the MAN with the PLAN and the rest of you are my little peckerwood shoe shine boys.”





The soon to be IC Champ walks over to the bar and pours himself another two fingers of Jack. He drinks it right down and pours another to which he does the same thing. He walks out through the wooden security gate and climbs into his black on black Lincoln Navigator. He starts the engine but before he backs out he reaches into the consol and takes out a new pint of Jack.

”This pint of Jack is for snake bite purposes only. Now you may be wondering where in the world we are going. Do you remember when the peckerwood made mention of how he got his ass handed to himself by this second rate Mutta, well the punk ain’t seen nothing yet.”

He drives to the edge of town and stops his SUV at a construction site. He takes a pull off the Jack bottle just in case something would happen and gets out. He walks over to a very large machine and climbs up into the operator’s seat. He pushes the buttons and the big cat diesel springs into life. The machine moves forward and in a few minutes he lowers the huge blade and levels a large mountain of dirt as if it wasn’t even there. He shuts down the big diesel and jumps down and stands there.

”Was you watching Peckerwood? I just showed you how easy it is to take down a mountain. This big bulldozer and Me have one thing in common; we both know how to make short work of something that gets in our way. Go ahead and talk your talk peckerwood but when you’re done talking then my work will begin.”

He starts walking back towards his Navigator when he hears the rattle of a snake. He stops and with lightning fast hands grabs the snake, bites off its head and throws it away like yesterdays trash.

”Just another example peckerwood of who you’re really messing with!”

Mr. Slim Pickens returns to his lavish brick home and parks his Navigator in the drive. He walks through the back wooden gate and passes by the swimming pool with its sparking clear water and goes to the bar and pours himself another drink. He swirls the Jack in the glass before taking a drink and then takes his seat on one of the padded bar stools.

”I’m here to give all of you peckerwoods fair notice that if you want a piece of me then come and take your best shot, but when you come you better be ready to do battle. Talk your second hand talk if that is what you think will make you win but as for me, I’m kicking ass every time and I’m NOT taking any names. I’m the BEST THERE IS in the DHW and you may think you’re something somewhere else but you’re nothing to me here. Write your little trash rp’s and say anything you want, but it’s time to stop just getting by, it’s time to pick up the pace or you’ll become another victim to the almighty pen of the New Intercontinal CHAMPION, SLIM PICKENS.”

The champ reaches over and picks up his crystal glass and finishes off his drink before walking behind the bar and picking up a hand full of ink pens and laying them on the bar for all to see.

”Play time is over boys! Learn real fast how to become a man or just plain stay out of my way.”

The champ walks into the house leaving all the peckerwoods of the DHWA with something to think about. He walks down the hall and enters his den where he sits down in his black leather chair and reaches across the desk and picks up the phone. He dials the number and leans back.

”I’d like to speak with Todd Grisham, I am, well good afternoon Mr. Grisham. I’m calling you to invite you to my locker room on Friday night after I have won DHW’s Intercontinental Championship. Yes, I’m very sure of myself and after the match is over you’ll be sure of me too. Yes, bring your note pad and pen because you’ll probably want to write every word that I say down. No, Derick Moris is not going to be any trouble to me both in and out of the ring. He’s second rate now and he will always be second rate. Yes, he will give me a good run for the belt but the man will lose once again and I will become the “First” Intercontenial Champion. Thank you for your time Mr. Grisham and I look forward to talking with you Friday night.”

The MAN leans back in his black leather chair and wonders if Derick Moris will be able to understand what he is trying totell him or if he’s just going to turn all the words around to make himself look good. It really doesn’t matter because once the match is over and Slim is standing in the center of the ring with the IC belt around his waist, then the world will know what kind of wrestler this Moris really is.



“I’m Slim Pickens, the BEST THERE IS, and the BEST THERE EVER WILL BE, and I will finally bring some dignity to the DHWA. WOOO!”

“DIAMONDS ARE FOR EVER AND SO IS SLIM PICKENS!”

[Derick Moris (H)]

Moris is seen sitting in the back of a limo wearing his signature purple trench coat and purple pants as well as his official DHWA endorsed shirt. It is a dark purple, the same shade as his trench coat, and it has a creepy cartoon rendition of a clown face on it. The clown is missing one eye and there are random stiches around his face. The clown head is turned at a slight angle. The clown has a smile that is unnaturally large and seems to take up half of his face and on the bottom right corner is the DHWA official logo.

Derick is sitting with his legs wide and his elbows rested on his legs and he is slouched over with his hands in his lap. His face is expression less as he flicks a zippo lighter featuring the same clown open and shut, starting and extinguishing the fire with each motion. He looks up and notices the red light on the camera is now on signaling he is now on air. He raises his thumb and runs it across his noes to scratch an itch or possibly it is a signal to somebody watching. He begins to talk in a low, slow and deliberate voice.

<[Derick Moris]>

Well ladies and gentlemen last time I addressed you I do believe I had Mr. Peckerwood incorrectly described. Though I was right in the point of calling him a chicken molester I left out a very key point. My opponent this week is a delusional alcoholic. Need examples? Of course you do if you are watching this you are most likely a brain dead fool. Well first alcoholic, has anybody ever seen this man without a glass and a bottle of Jack? I mean he had it in the car with him as he was driving which might I add is extremely illegal, and then operated heavy machinery under the influence of said alcohol. Which brings me to delusional; somewhere in that drunken messed up brain of his he thinks driving out to a dirt hill and plowing it down makes for a good promo? Am I the only one who understands how mind fucked this guy really is? I mean if you’re gonna do something symbolic give it a little more meaning.

Derick’s facial expression shifts to a disbelief with other emotions trying to peek its way through.

<[Derick Moris]>

And by some stretch of the imagination he thinks he is the best in the company and he talks as though he has never been defeated but umm.

Derick pulls out an I Pad that has the replay of Slims defeat last week. It shows Slim getting German Suplexed into the announcers table over and over again from all different angles then the Steve pinning him for the win.

<[Derick Moris]>

Umm yea that happened and I have video evidence of it so just in case you were unaware. You don’t win if you are on bottom when the ref counts to three. On top of that he calls me a, what was it” sheep herder protecting everyone from the big bad wolf”? Once again I have no idea where the hell he got that one because he couldn’t be more off. I am not the sheep herder I am the god damn wolf. I protect no one but myself and I care for no one but myself and some may say that’s a flaw but I say it’s a blessing. Because that just means when I tear each person limb from limb I have no remorse, I feel no pain, and I morn for nobody so come this Friday night while I am fighting in my second main event that is exactly what I am going to do to you Mr. Peckerwood. And for your information I don’t need to be read the rules in the match that I will be kicking your ass in and I don’t care how high and mighty you think you are because as the old saying goes the bigger they are, the harder they fall. Also, you biting the head off of a snake don’t mean shit.

The limo comes to a sudden stop and Derick stands up and grabs a bag from the mini fridge and continues talking.

<[Derick Moris]>

Oh and you might want to call back Mr. Grisham and tell him your interview subject has been changed to what went wrong in your match tonight Mr. Peckerwood? And will you please come up with your own material I mean “The Best there is” is so overused and now you are trying to bring back the hag rick flares “Woo!”.

Derick climbs out of the car holding the bag but stands in the door way so the camera can’t see where they are.

<[Derick Moris]>

Remember how I said if you are going to do something symbolic make it mean something? Well I will give you a little demonstration.

He smiles wickedly as he steps to the side revealing it is one very late at night and also he is standing right outside of Mr. Pickens house where his navigator is parked in the driveway.

Derick opens the bag and pulls out two bottles of Jack Daniels. He slides his lighter into his pocket and takes one in each hand and mockingly over stretches his pinky’s and talks very condescendingly

<[Derick Moris]>

Now we can’t forget there is a correct way to hold these.

He begins to laugh a little as he unscrews the cap of one and walks up to the Lincoln Navigator and pores it all over the vehicle being sure to hit every inch of it then he steps back and hurls the other bottle through the back window causing it to shatter and send more liquor across the interior. He then pulls out his Zippo and flicks it open and a huge grin slowly creeps across his face as he watches the flame dance. He takes a few steps back and then tosses the lighter through the shattered back window and begins to laugh manically as he watches the liquor ignite and catch the interior on fire and then it reaches out the windows and there’s another boom as the liquor on the outside ignites and the whole car is set ablaze. Though out the entire even Moris laugh becomes more and more maniacal and as the car is still burning the sound of sirens in the background but Derick’s laugh roars above both as the camera fades to black.