Post by Dude McSweetpants (H) on Jun 6, 2012 11:38:43 GMT -5
The camera comes in backstage to the DHWA locker rooms where the fans are all watching in wonder. There’s not a single interviewer in sight, in fact nobody is in sight. The camera feed fades out just a bit and comes back in where a locker room that reads “Secret Layer” is spotted. The door to the locker room creeps open, and it looks like nothing more than a normal locker room. The camera keeps going to the locker cupboards where they spot a crack in between the lockers. Suddenly, one of the lockers open and a hidden passage is shown. The camera continues to follow into the cave like passage until they come across a hidden layer to be found inside DHWA’s very own building for this week’s Massacre. Inside this hidden layer rests the two most powerful beings in history, Dude McSweetpants and Captain Ownage… collectively known as The Super Awesome Team of EVIL. Also in the layer is a giant computer with weird buttons all around the panel in Japanese or some kind of ancient writing, and about four giant monitors stand up on the walls above the computer. Dude McSweetpants and Captain Ownage are both looking over the entire back stories of both their opponents for the week.
Captain Ownage
”Dude, your opponent this week goes by the name of Glen DiBiase. Age is unknown. Family history? Son of legend, Ted DiBiase. Power Level? One Raditz.”
Dude McSweetpants
”What the fuck is a Raditz?”
Ownage looks at Dude McSweetpants with his jaw dropped. He can’t believe that Dude McSweetpants asked that question. Dude looks back at him and shrugs, when suddenly he notices the DHWA cameras. Dude taps his partner on the shoulder and points to the camera. Captain Ownage turns around and spots the camera. The two get up from their seats and look at the camera. Dude McSweetpants cups his hands together, forming a prayer like symbol while Ownage stands in a heroic like stance. McSweetpants is the first to speak.
Dude McSweetpants
”So, there’s the lovely camera that likes to eavesdrop upon conversations. Ironically, it’s the same one that happened to discover our secretive layer. You weren’t followed, were you?”
The camera moves left to right, indicating a no, and the two Super Villains give a thumbs up.
Dude McSweetpants
”That’s good… Now, Captain, what were we talking about before we were interrupted?”
Captain Ownage
”Uh… Oh yeah, that Glen guy has like a low power level or something… One Raditz sized power level.”
Dude McSweetpants
”Man, are you making up words again? What did I tell you about doing that?”
Captain Ownage
”I didn’t make it up! It’s what the database says. Look!”
Ownage says as the two turn around and face the computers. Ownage begins to type in some codes until a “Level scale” pops up onto the top left screen and shows a list of power levels and what they’re referred to. From lowest to highest, the scales go by – Krillin, Saibaman, Raditz, Yamacha, Piccolo, Nappa, Gohan, Vegeta, Goku, and OVER 9000! McSweetpants shrugs at the scale and then he looks at Ownage.
Dude McSweetpants
”Okay, so apparently this Glen guy is this Raditz thingy. But that’s just it, like the rest of you pathetic earthlings that are limited by your physical dispositions, Glen DiBiase is but a mere blimp on our radar of power. I myself have a power level of OVER 9000 while my partner here is at the level of a Goku. His father, though not by much, is probably way better than anything this Glen guy hopes to be… and even though he’s such a weakling, you pathetic morons known as DHWA fans will relish in him as if he were god. Well allow me to be frank with the likes of all you, I am not here to be relished in. In fact, I am here simply to reclaim the glory of my ultimate power.”
Captain Ownage
”Yes because you see, Dude here is not just a mere human that walks around wearing man panties while getting oiled up by his incestuous father… like some of these freaks are. Like myself, Dude possesses magical powers that allows him to defeat anybody within the blink of an eye. But before he can do that, he has to wash the sins of impurity off of him. He has to cleanse the wrestling world of the pathetic, of the hopeless, and retrieve his ultimate power by taking the DHWA Smoking Skull Championship belt.”
Dude McSweetpants
”But if I must pity you pathetic humans for a mere 10 seconds, then I guess I will. You see, Glen DiBiase is a master of certain things… obviously, English Literature is not one of them, but still a master he is. For example, nobody could possibly be more ignorant than that worthless and pathetic piece of scum. I mean, who hasn’t heard of the great Dude McSweetpants? I’ve defeated giants, I’ve defeated armies, and I’ve even brought justice to the biggest and baddest crime syndicates known to mankind. And this chump thinks that HE can beat ME in a wrestling match? The sheer ignorance in such a human being sickens me. It’s that kind of ignorance that has made me open my eyes for what the world truly is. For years, I’ve been the strongest being on the face of the planet with maybe only Captain Ownage as the man who could even match my powers… and for years I tried to fit in with the people who were far less superior and far less powerful than me. I wanted to be one of you, and finally I realized that in the heat of the moment, I am not you. I am better. I mean…”
Instantly, Dude McSweetpants starts to lift into the air. The camera backs out as Dude McSweetpants flies even higher into the lights above.
Dude McSweetpants
”I can fly! Can your pathetic second generation superstars fly? And for that matter…”
Dude slowly lets his body come back down from the air and he lands comfortably. Dude looks at the camera and continues.
Dude McSweetpants
”Glen, if your brothers are all third generation superstars… you know, the three talented ones… then how does that make you second generation? Did you fail math as well? Or was my theory of your inbred family more spot on than I thought it was? You know, maybe that’s why you had to follow in your overrated father’s footsteps. Maybe you just were too stupid to do anything else that there was no other option. I mean when you’re so retarded that the United States Military wouldn’t even take you as bullet feed, then you’ve got to be slow as hell. Then again, there isn’t a person in DHWA that can top me so I guess for what you’re going to be dealing with, your education… or lack thereof… is perfectly normal. But as far as you beating me goes, I suggest you think again. You couldn’t even land a punch on me even if I gave you a bulldozer. You’re nothing but a weak and pathetic phony who just wants to make his father proud. Too bad that this Friday, you’re going to become a mere afterthought when Dude McSweetpants destroys you and brings you the fear that can only be brought by the Super Awesome Team of EVIL!”
Dude McSweetpants says when he brings his fist up and throws it at the camera. Before hitting it, Dude stops and opens his fist as a light of fire shines in front of the camera and makes it go black. The only thing you can hear is the sound of Captain Ownage’s voice.
Captain Ownage
”DUDE! I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO NEXT!”
Dude McSweetpants
”Quit whining!”
The sounds fade as the promo comes to an end.
SCENE
Captain Ownage
”Dude, your opponent this week goes by the name of Glen DiBiase. Age is unknown. Family history? Son of legend, Ted DiBiase. Power Level? One Raditz.”
Dude McSweetpants
”What the fuck is a Raditz?”
Ownage looks at Dude McSweetpants with his jaw dropped. He can’t believe that Dude McSweetpants asked that question. Dude looks back at him and shrugs, when suddenly he notices the DHWA cameras. Dude taps his partner on the shoulder and points to the camera. Captain Ownage turns around and spots the camera. The two get up from their seats and look at the camera. Dude McSweetpants cups his hands together, forming a prayer like symbol while Ownage stands in a heroic like stance. McSweetpants is the first to speak.
Dude McSweetpants
”So, there’s the lovely camera that likes to eavesdrop upon conversations. Ironically, it’s the same one that happened to discover our secretive layer. You weren’t followed, were you?”
The camera moves left to right, indicating a no, and the two Super Villains give a thumbs up.
Dude McSweetpants
”That’s good… Now, Captain, what were we talking about before we were interrupted?”
Captain Ownage
”Uh… Oh yeah, that Glen guy has like a low power level or something… One Raditz sized power level.”
Dude McSweetpants
”Man, are you making up words again? What did I tell you about doing that?”
Captain Ownage
”I didn’t make it up! It’s what the database says. Look!”
Ownage says as the two turn around and face the computers. Ownage begins to type in some codes until a “Level scale” pops up onto the top left screen and shows a list of power levels and what they’re referred to. From lowest to highest, the scales go by – Krillin, Saibaman, Raditz, Yamacha, Piccolo, Nappa, Gohan, Vegeta, Goku, and OVER 9000! McSweetpants shrugs at the scale and then he looks at Ownage.
Dude McSweetpants
”Okay, so apparently this Glen guy is this Raditz thingy. But that’s just it, like the rest of you pathetic earthlings that are limited by your physical dispositions, Glen DiBiase is but a mere blimp on our radar of power. I myself have a power level of OVER 9000 while my partner here is at the level of a Goku. His father, though not by much, is probably way better than anything this Glen guy hopes to be… and even though he’s such a weakling, you pathetic morons known as DHWA fans will relish in him as if he were god. Well allow me to be frank with the likes of all you, I am not here to be relished in. In fact, I am here simply to reclaim the glory of my ultimate power.”
Captain Ownage
”Yes because you see, Dude here is not just a mere human that walks around wearing man panties while getting oiled up by his incestuous father… like some of these freaks are. Like myself, Dude possesses magical powers that allows him to defeat anybody within the blink of an eye. But before he can do that, he has to wash the sins of impurity off of him. He has to cleanse the wrestling world of the pathetic, of the hopeless, and retrieve his ultimate power by taking the DHWA Smoking Skull Championship belt.”
Dude McSweetpants
”But if I must pity you pathetic humans for a mere 10 seconds, then I guess I will. You see, Glen DiBiase is a master of certain things… obviously, English Literature is not one of them, but still a master he is. For example, nobody could possibly be more ignorant than that worthless and pathetic piece of scum. I mean, who hasn’t heard of the great Dude McSweetpants? I’ve defeated giants, I’ve defeated armies, and I’ve even brought justice to the biggest and baddest crime syndicates known to mankind. And this chump thinks that HE can beat ME in a wrestling match? The sheer ignorance in such a human being sickens me. It’s that kind of ignorance that has made me open my eyes for what the world truly is. For years, I’ve been the strongest being on the face of the planet with maybe only Captain Ownage as the man who could even match my powers… and for years I tried to fit in with the people who were far less superior and far less powerful than me. I wanted to be one of you, and finally I realized that in the heat of the moment, I am not you. I am better. I mean…”
Instantly, Dude McSweetpants starts to lift into the air. The camera backs out as Dude McSweetpants flies even higher into the lights above.
Dude McSweetpants
”I can fly! Can your pathetic second generation superstars fly? And for that matter…”
Dude slowly lets his body come back down from the air and he lands comfortably. Dude looks at the camera and continues.
Dude McSweetpants
”Glen, if your brothers are all third generation superstars… you know, the three talented ones… then how does that make you second generation? Did you fail math as well? Or was my theory of your inbred family more spot on than I thought it was? You know, maybe that’s why you had to follow in your overrated father’s footsteps. Maybe you just were too stupid to do anything else that there was no other option. I mean when you’re so retarded that the United States Military wouldn’t even take you as bullet feed, then you’ve got to be slow as hell. Then again, there isn’t a person in DHWA that can top me so I guess for what you’re going to be dealing with, your education… or lack thereof… is perfectly normal. But as far as you beating me goes, I suggest you think again. You couldn’t even land a punch on me even if I gave you a bulldozer. You’re nothing but a weak and pathetic phony who just wants to make his father proud. Too bad that this Friday, you’re going to become a mere afterthought when Dude McSweetpants destroys you and brings you the fear that can only be brought by the Super Awesome Team of EVIL!”
Dude McSweetpants says when he brings his fist up and throws it at the camera. Before hitting it, Dude stops and opens his fist as a light of fire shines in front of the camera and makes it go black. The only thing you can hear is the sound of Captain Ownage’s voice.
Captain Ownage
”DUDE! I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO NEXT!”
Dude McSweetpants
”Quit whining!”
The sounds fade as the promo comes to an end.
SCENE